This Will Ruin Your Productivity

That's the point.

While I am still constantly worried about my future — like what the hell I am doing here on Substack, not earning a cent — I know for certain I will sleep well tonight. Crazy enough, that’s not been a given for me, and if you are also a high-performing, multi-cultural woman, I bet it’s the same for you.

It was a long and grueling path to get here. My life has not changed for the better, but my energy is back, and I am feeling like myself again. That’s a great start.

Oura, delivering hard proof. Last Christmas, I couldn’t get out of bed.

The suffocating pressure to perform is ever present in our life. Maybe it started already when we were babies, our mother cooing and whispering to us: “My pretty little girl, you are gonna grow up exceptional, strong and smart — and now I expect you to finish this meal for that to happen.” And then, the teacher’s voice: “Your grade is your future. Study harder.”

This is so deeply ingrained, that our body will jump at seeing green (we passed!) and flinch at red (we failed!). It’s beyond exhausting and ridiculous to live your life constantly at the traffic light.

Being multi-cultural makes it even harder to stop. We carry the heavier weight of our clashing cultures, we feel guilty for what we have paid to leave, and to stay. For us, the traffic light constantly flashes red.

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My therapist told me in our first session: “If you are tired, you can always slow down, you know. Try to speak more slowly, do things more slowly.”

I was baffled: “What do you mean? How do I do things more slowly??”

But my body was shutting down and there was no other choice than trying. I took walks every day, I went to yoga classes, I read books and wrote notes, I cleaned the house and played with my son. At first, it was difficult — I constantly felt guilty for “wasting time”.

Once the guilt subsided, it gave space for pleasure. Small moments, subtle feelings. Time stood still, my head stopped buzzing with a thousand thoughts at once — and with that, came contentment. I noticed the lightness of the body during the walk, the little tug at my heart when I see the beautiful nature along the path. I felt the cool air filling up my body during breath work, the stillness in the morning light while waiting for my tea to brew. I inhaled greedily the scent of my son while cuddling.

I can tell you that rest is not only well deserved, but badly needed. It is only in relaxation, that the body and mind can recover. It is only in stillness, that you can hear the quiet voice in yourself, that you can notice the feelings in your body.

Start small, try these three things.

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Stop 1. Watch your coffee or tea brew.

No phone. No email rehearsal in your head. No mental tidying of tomorrow. Just stand there until it’s ready. Inhale the aroma, feel the warm mug in your hands, feel the sweet-bitterness linger on your tongue after each sip.

The first time will feel like an emergency. That panic is the information. Your body has forgotten how to be somewhere without producing something. The sensory information will teach you a lot more.

Stop 2. Take a walk that goes nowhere.

Not to the supermarket. Not “for your steps”. Out the door with no errand stitched on, no podcast filling the silence. Around the block is enough. Leave your phone at home if possible.

Notice how strange it feels. The body has to learn that movement isn’t always a means. This is harder than it sounds. You will think this is a waste of time. It’s not.

Stop 3. Tell one person you did nothing today.

Don’t soften it. Don’t say oh, but I cleaned the kitchen, but I read a book, but I— Just: I didn’t do anything today.

Watch what happens in your chest and in your jaws when you say it out loud. That tightness is the productivity curse. Naming it loosens it.

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I can already hear you say: “But I don’t have time for this! I have so much to do!”

Dear ladies, time is the only thing you will ever have. There will never be an end to your to-do list, no good moment to stop.

When I started, I could only think of resisting the urge to take out my phone every second. And now, I feel tired just thinking about the phone.

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P.S. If you like this article, I recommend reading The Unexpected Sign Your Nervous System Is Healing: You Become Horny for Life Again from Allison. She gets at the same thing from a different angle.

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